When you use those three tactics, every word you use matters. Instead of dancing around the point, you hit it out of the park.
How does this fit with over communicating?
Imagine how much more you could communicate in the same amount of time if you cut “the pork,” used hard numbers, and wrapped it in a story.
If the foundation isn’t in place, facts don’t matter. Like technology, facts too high level from that foundation will come off like “magic.”
Not the good kind either, the kind that gets attacked so “way of life” is maintained.
That’s trouble.
So you have to make a choice:
The first choice is easy on both parties, it keeps the conversation flowing, and everyone is happy.
The second option is a minefield and necessary if you want a team around you to prosper.
Pills are bitter, syrups too strong, words sting. Whenever we are in the position to have to give medicine, we should give it, with an explanation, as soon as possible. This includes feedback, where waiting is a recipe for disaster.
Waiting allows for a story to start and the spin to begin. Don’t think you are a storyteller. Well, you are. It’s natural not to realize this.
Our brain is good at telling stories. It’s so good, that the storytelling part of our brain is the last part of our brain to die (and this means storytelling outlasts breathing).”
Everything behind the criticism goes into the spin zone, and usually, those giving the medicine won’t notice the spin that’s happening.
That can lead to disaster.
Getting away from the world at the first sign of danger can give temporary peace of mind. You’ve avoided conflict, so that’s a win in most people’s eyes.
Except you haven’t avoided anything.
Hiding thoughts only delay the inevitable. Either the conflict resurfaces with that person later or one arises in one’s self.
Talking through your issues,with tact upfront, avoids that feeling.
Honesty is the best policy.
I hate it.
I do it all the time, though.
Ahh, stop right there. I felt someone get defensive. When I say “over-communicate,” I don’t mean sharing your awful college party secret that you and your friends think is unique but isn’t. I’m talking about the second quarter projections that give you a sinking ship feeling when you go into meetings. I’m talking about losing steam on a point that you think is relevant but you aren’t sure it landed. How about that discussion that you know you should have with your significant other about how you feel, but you keep it bottled up because you don’t want to rock the boat?
All of that isn’t sparing anyone’s feelings: not sharing what’s overwhelmed your mind is hiding because we assume that the messenger gets his head lopped off.
Bu, knowing what to say, how to say it, and then delivering it in a way that everyone is clear gives you a ton of leverage and respect.
That’s what we are working on this month.
At the end of last year, I wrote a post that resulted in my picking four themes for 2016. They are the guiding light (strategic) for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie them together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.
It’s a balance that dictates whether you are a wallflower, a leader, or an annoyance. I want to explore that this month since I feel over-communicating is an attack on fear. It’s also recognizing it’s boundaries, learning when you aren’t over-communicating, but babbling and taking over everyone’s time. I want to get to the bottom of both to see what happens.
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
by Brené Brown – To do this right, I think you need to be vulnerable. There is no better book I’ve read on the subject than this one.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 