Language is very powerful.
When you hear “no,” you often perceive that someone doesn’t want you, when what he or she actually doesn’t want is your service or the service that you’re currently selling.
It is an example of the power of language. Switching one word out changes how you accept and deal with “no.”
Don’t make the mistake of taking it personally, but when you do, remind yourself of the switch perception.
Service. Not self.
Maybe is an incredible word, except when you use it to hide.
You know what I’m talking about.
Here is an example:
Sitting at a networking function, you’re at the table with someone charming, but talking about something that you have zero interest in. She turns to you and asks about hopping on the phone next week. You reply “maybe” and a conversation that should end doesn’t.
Now both you and she spend time in a conversation that didn’t have to happen.
In that context, the speaker used the word “maybe” to hide a “no,” which tends to have unintended consequences.
When I was a kid, I was very shy. I spent most of my life being scared to express my ideas unless I thought it was absolutely necessary.I only talked if I had to and knew the answer. Silence was the easy way out, because it allowed me to hide. That shyness came from fear, and an assumption that everyone I met knew as much or more than I did. I thought I wouldn’t add anything to the conversation. My insecurity kept me from investing everything I had.
I didn’t realize it when, but I did myself a severe disservice. I didn’t understand that talking through ideas is one of the best ways of understanding if I knew them. I had to talk to see if I had it, and I had to trust the people around me would help if I didn’t get it right.
You have to have trust to start real dialogue.
If you know something, you know how to say it, and to borrow from Richard Feynman, say it in your own words. What better way to do that then through talking to people?
This is pretty tough because in most situations we are in, it is easy to shrink and hide. If we soak it up, sit in the back, and avoid the discussion, we get to walk out unscathed and fight another day. This is a double-edged sword, because since it is so effective, it gets easier to hide in future meetings. You create a cycle of comfort, hiding until you are absolutely certain you can’t lose. By waiting until we get it right, we miss opportunities to get to the point of understanding.
It is difficult, too because to feel comfortable, you have to trust people enough that they won’t leave you hanging out there.
The difference between understanding and ‘thinking you understand’ is huge. That gap remains large if you don’t talk about what you know to other people. Through talking, you get a chance to build understanding and catch up on ideas you thought you knew.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 