Tag: problem

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Write Down Those Problems, And Why – Stat

I hold grudges

I don’t mean to, but I do.

Every time I get slighted, a small part of my memory holds on to it even though I tell myself it isn’t a big deal.

Then it builds.

Then I blow up at a family member for forgetting pickles on my burger.

One of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the last few years is that I am flawed. I hold on to things. I make lists in my head, and they won’t go away until resolved.

It is only in those last few years have I found a way that seems to help me keep perspective.

A problem list.

On that list, I’ll write (yes, physically write – this is important), what bothered me and do five whys to get to the bottom of the real why (this often leads to me realizing the pain wasn’t from them, but that is another post).

Next, I’ll write a proposed solution. This is something that I can do to rectify this (also necessary), and then my intention to talk to them the next time I see them, or, if it is that pressing, set up a phone call or coffee to sit down and discuss..

I find when I do this (and I don’t nearly do it enough), it stops me from holding a grudge. I move from emotionally charged narrative to problem-solving.

Funny, the problem list helps me stay away from a grudge list.

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Find the Problem First

STOP!

Do you know what the problem is?

Whatever it is, I think it is worth the effort to take a moment to understand it.

Humans bias towards action because the action is a signal. We think that action tells the world around us that we care.

Action can signal to:

  • Our stakeholders that we are paying attention.
  • The family that we care
  • Coworkers that we are trying

The thing is, most of the time, without understanding the problem, all that signaling is a shot in the dark. It may feel good and may make people happy, but looking at it months, and sometimes years later we realize we wasted time.

No matter how good action feels at the moment, it never feels good to know that you wasted time based on “signaling.”

What is the solution, then?

The solution is to fight against that urge. As a leader, it’s giving your team air cover so that they aren’t forced to come up with “something” at the moment, and that looks like explaining your process and gaining trust in the organization. If you prioritize ruthlessly and make promises that you keep, you’ve got a shot.

Remember, in every problem lies a solution.

 

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Negative Visualization

Rely on the worse to make your best

The Stoics used negative visualization, a meditation technique where you think of worst case scenarios, to help themselves stay focused.

I used the technique once before performing.

Before I got on stage, I spent 20 minutes in a chair with my eyes closed. I thought of as many worst-case scenarios, ranging from people booing to me tripping on the mic cord.  During the process, I felt sadness, guilt, and anger.

Soon, however, I noticed something.

Every problem:

  • Had a simple solution (notice the mic cord before getting on and step on stage the other way
  • Could walk away from (if they booed, just go home)
  • Or was impossible (There isn’t going to be a stampede of rhinos [don’t ask])

The genius of the exercise is that by slowing down and acknowledging problems, one by one, our minds get out of fight or flight.

The next time an issue gives you pause and makes you panic, find a few minutes on your schedule and think about the worst outcomes.

Our brains are natural problem solvers. Give it space to go to work.

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Profit & Problem

Execute on these two ideas

Profit – which is who:

  • cares
  • benefits
  • loses

Problem – Which is where/why people:

  • cares
  • benefits
  • loses

When you execute, focus on these two ideas. If you are crystal clear on what they are, closing the gap between them gets much easier.

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The Garlic Problem, Part 2

Our emotions play a role.

Yesterday I laid out the Garlic Problem, or what our options are when we smell of garlic.

There were rational options, and then there was running away  as fast as we could.

You say:

  • “I would never run away from the table.”
  • “I would know they don’t want me gone.”

The example yesterday sounds ridiculous, but it’s a game that we play every day. Our fight or flight instincts always have a say in everything we do.

So what are we supposed to do here, ignore it?

No. I have bad news, every time you just ignore the game, you accumulate emotional debt. (emotional debt is the after effect of an emotion.)  You ever watch someone scream at a printer? That’s emotional debt trying to collect.

We have to reconcile the idea of emotions matter, and they exist. We can’t ignore them, that leads to other problems. We have to connect with them, listen, and then understand that we can say “no.”

Then you can wash your hands, and get back to the conversation.

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