Tag: questions

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Questions Lead to Answers – Throwing It Against The Glass

Questions are scary.

They take a lot to ask. You have to get ready to answer them. They are unpredictable.  If the world fit into basket we want it to, then there is no anxiety. If no one asks questions after finishing, then we get comfort.

But I wager the scariest thing isn’t that people ask questions. The scariest thing to people is that questions lead to answers.

Questions lead to answers.

Question lead to answers, even if we don’t want to hear them.

The answers can come in many forms, based on how people treat you, what they say, or how they act afterwards, but questions lead to answers.

That’s a hard thing to swallow because we end up having to deal with not being right. The idea of not making the most of our situation, and dealing with the idea that we aren’t going to be right with our assumptions.

It isn’t an easy task, and people block questions all the time. It isn’t an easy way to ask a lot of the time. The people around you shush you, and your ego tries to do so by making your stomach hurt.

Throwing a rock against the glass

Every time we ask a question, we throw a rock. There is fear through throwing the rock, but the bigger fear is breaking the glass.

The glass is our interpretation of the world. Each layer is foggier and foggier, changing our reality.

We all see things differently, because we see with our brains, and not our eyes. It is an important distinction, because if you think you see the world as it is, there is no room for questioning anything wholeheartedly, and you have effectively shut yourself off.

They say perception is reality, but that saying is for people who do not bother to try to see reality. It is a saying of comfort. It is fear talking.

That fear is debilitating.

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Janurary … A Great Time for Questions

Questions are scary

When I get nervous, usually there is a question lurking in me that I desperately want answered, but I am too scared to think about. So, most of my life I didn’t ask them. Internally I thought it better to live with the shame of not standing up then deal with the “problems” that come with asking.

I recognize that I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that fear.

So, I start the year trying to understand questions. I recognize there  is an art here.  There are good and bad questions. There are also good and bad environments, recipients, and people who ask.  This month I want to explore these things.

This monthly theme ties into communication

At the end of last year I wrote a post that resulted in me picking 5 themes for 2016. They are the guiding light(strategic)  for my ideas. Each month on this blog, I break things down into the practical (tactical). This year I want to tie both together, so each month, I have to write the reason they connect.

The art of questions connect to communication as the gate to higher level discussion.  As much as we communicate through our words and bodies, it doesn’t mean much if there is no connection to the other side. Questions are that bridge that allows us to know what the other person is thinking, and what it means to the context of our existence.

Reread candidate

A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas by Warren Berger – I chose this because it does a deep dive in the ideas of questions. Its even in the title. What I got the first time reading this is how set up we are when it comes to not asking questions, how we get trained in being defensive, and how powerful they are.

Other candidates

Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours

Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin To Munger

Ctrl Alt Delete: Reboot Your Business. Reboot Your Life. Your Future Depends on It.

Questions

  • How do I ask them in daily?
  • How often should I do it, when do I decide “is it worth it?”
  • How do I deal with experiments?
  • How do I react when someone else asks?
  • What do I need to do to improve my ability to ask?

Subthemes

  • Experimentation – Questions aren’t just spoken, they are also projects, i.e. experiments. So how do I approach them?
  • Note taking – Good questions come with preparation. My Note taking skills need examination.
  • Vulnerability – Questions are scary and leave you on a limb. How do I deal with that vulnerability without losing my head?

 

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Silence Isn’t Golden, Is It?

Silence

Silence isn’t golden, right?

Most organizations I’ve seen have rules that reward silence. People discuss things like an open door policy, but in practice, it rarely happens. The idea of more communication ends up on the development plan, discussed in a few emails, and then as work comes in, things return to what they once were.

Why do people say things like that then? Is it because it sounds good? Are people lying when they talk about that?

I don’t think so.

In my experience, teams get the marching orders from the leader. Most of the time, this communication is non verbal. This is counter intuitive at first, until you realize most of the communication we get is nonverbal.

Far too often are we ready to accept the idea that we talk our way through things without some vulnerability some available to lie out on the table and turn it on ourselves.

So, where does vulnerability play into this?

Leaders have to understand that people follow action and the inertia that it creates.  If you want a high level of communication, you lead by example. Poke, prod, emote, discuss, and use any other tool or method to get the people around you talking.

This looks foolish at first, it makes you vulnerable. It’s scary to push the people around you. It also requires some empathy. Press too hard, or the wrong way, and your employees might hate you.

Place to start?

The easiest way to start is to generate an environment where questions aren’t the exception, they are the norm. This starts with you asking questions and soliciting as much as possible.

As scary as it sounds, I am willing to bet that the people around you are itching to answer questions. It is a key way to build trust. Once people trust, communication automatically grows.

Note: Please prepare the people around you on your plan to do this. Nothing breaks trust like “gotcha” questions because they lead to embarrassment. Give out some homework and trust the process.

 

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Hiding Foolishness Through Hiding Questions

[bctt tweet=”Only by opening his mouth can a fool actually become a fool can become wise.”]

“Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”

This bible verse sucks.

I hate it because I lived it for a very long time.

If you saw me in meetings with people years ago, you would think I was a statue. I thought it was best to not “rock the boat”. Silence was golden.I invested in comfort. As I write about often, comfort isn’t free. 

There was a toll. I didn’t get away scot-free, because instead of becoming the lead actor(wise) in my movie, I ended up a silent extra(foolish).

Yes,I was a silent extra in my movie. 

By not talking, by not demonstrating what you know and don’t, miscommunication runs rampant. Your actions become foolish because you don’t know what people want. When you start down a road no one asked you to go down, you cannot hit the undo button. It is time wasted, and time is one thing you cannot get back.

One of the great tools to stop miscommunication is the art of asking questions.

Yes, there is an art to asking questions.

Questions are difficult to get right. One of the principle reasons why we don’t ask them starts with  the fear of being wrong. It leaves us vulnerable and we’ve all been in a situation where our questions are held hostage – and used against us when possible.

 I’ve been in teams where leaders do this, not realizing how great of a gift a question is!

Unfortunately, like with most skills, you get better by doing. Luckily, there are places to practice this skill with very little risk. Here are a quick few to get you started.

  • If you are in a major city, take the opportunity to check meetup.com and go to a random free meetup, and just start asking questions. For 2 hours, you will be far more informed about a topic than when you came. (If there is a Q/A part, raise your hand immediately and go!)
  • Start asking questions on Reddit. Make a throwaway account and just start asking and see your response.
  • Interview family and friends. This seems obvious, but a ton of things we don’t know about our own families. I am betting you come out of this closer than when you started.

As you get comfortable, start raising your hand more. It is a great way to learn, manage the gaps of your understanding, and decide your real level of interest.

You are the only one that lives your life. If a fool keeps his mouth shit, he can appear as a wise man, but only by opening his mouth can a fool actually become  a fool can become wise.

 

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5 Questions Professionals Ask

 

So, these are five questions I think professionals ask themselves when they start anything.

  • How do I push myself to do things I don’t want to do?
  • What are the consequences of doing it?
  • How do I grow from it?
  • What distinguishes something from a character growing exercise to a character shrinking exercise?
  • Whats the worse that can happen?

If you match this with a few why’s, then going through with the project gets easier.

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Question the Problem?

I think there is a lot of power in thinking about the problem instead of thinking about a solution. It takes some time to find and define a problem fully. A well-defined problem is usually attached to several questions. I usually see people(leadership?) walk into meetings with a problem and then ask people “How do we solve it?”. The people in the room rarely feel attached, and standard questions get clichéd answers. Maybe it’s and maybe it isn’t, but just showing the meeting existed (AHGHHH!) and people were there (AGHGHHGHGHHGHGH!!!!) is generally good enough. Not digging into the question is like an athlete that just hits the field with no stretching. Would you expect that athlete to work at his best?

Is there anything worse than clichéd thinking? I can’t stand hearing the cliché. There is a place and a time where it was the best we could do, it caught on, and people could use it to move forward. But now, we live in a world where there is more research and better ways of communicating what we need to get done. Words matter, so I reject that idea of concepts like “thinking outside the box.”. It is hollow corporate speak in a world where knowing how to say something allows you to get back to whatever you want instead of what you need.

When was the last time you stopped a meeting and asked if we are asking the right questions? (Actually, when were you in a meeting that tried to solve a problem? That is another issue for another post.) In my experience, taking the time to understand what you are looking at instead of just tackling what provided opens up a well of solutions.

It is easy to try to shortcut this process, and that is exactly why you can’t. Learning how to question the problems is a powerful tool in getting things done.

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Culture Questions – Is It As Good As You Say?

I’ve recently recognized that the right questions lead to success much more than the right answer does. My interpretation of that stems from the ability for answers to guide, but not restrict a conversation, while answers tend to lock things down.

I sat in a presentation about culture from another company and I started to hear the same clichés that are often raised in regards to culture. These ideas are great on paper (open door policy, “community building”,’SOCIAL MEDIA’… extra point for those who can feel my annoyance with each ongoing ‘point’) but are rarely implemented. It sounds good, but in reality things aren’t ever how they sound.

I came up with a list of questions. If you can answer them, great, you are on your way to understanding the culture that you have. If you can’t – I would recommend a sit down to see if the “community” is as strong as you think it is. I feel like it would be a growth process either way.

How often do we admit our faults in public?

Is there a culture of fear?

How often to people talk to management about issues?

When was the last time you followed up?

What changes have you made in the last year?

Have you surveyed your group?

Have you ever brought up money?

What have you found out about your employees vs what they have told you?

Who leads meetings?

Who is your ideal worker?

If you asked your employees to have coffee with you, would they (on their time & dime?)

How are you engaging your work force?

Do you track your mentors?

What are the metrics for tracking mentorship?

Does reverse mentorship happen?

How often do people ask questions?

Has the least experienced person ever led a meeting?

Has that person spoken up?

Voiced a different opinion?

What priority is training to your organization?

Is there a training person in your team responsible for filtering/recommending/vetting training?

If someone asked about the groups culture – how many different kinds of answers would you expect?

 

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3 Thoughts On Meditation

Some thoughts on meditation

  • When it works, I feel like I can pull out of my body and watch things.
  • It is hard to keep up the practice, if feels like it is the first thing I can let slide during my morning practice.
  • How do I know that I am doing it right? I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time with it.

Hopefully I can revisit this with some answers. Even more questions would be helpful as well.  Feel free to drop me a note here, on twitter or anywhere else you want to find me.

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Dumb Questions

Keep asking dumb questions to get smart answers.

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