result – From the desk of Adam Thomas

I pray I don’t become a slave to result.

It’s easy to look at the things in front of us and attach reason to them. I have seen my mind work in mysterious ways. For example, I will attribute my current stance to the score of the game on television. I know this doesn’t make any rational sense, but on game day, if I watch intensely, squat in front of the TV, and clap – I am helping the cause.

This sort of thing is fine when harmlessly watching a football game. Actually, I think it’s fun and adds some spice to the festivities. I only worry about it when it comes to serious decision-making. Leaning on the result gods and doing a rain dance to change the quarterly reports isn’t helpful and not very fun either.

The worst thing about result is that it can’t repeat. Fun dancing aside, when you look squarely on result you look squarely on chance to make something happen. Chance is wily. There is a chance I leap out of bed and get struck by lightning. There is a chance I just get up and go to work like usual. You can’t rely on chance.

You can rely on process. Process is improvable and trackable. I’d rather put my energy there.

Expectation and Anguish

Expectation leads to anguish.

The biggest source of my anguish is when I put my thought process behind someone else’s idea. It leads me down a rabbit hole that I do not like to go down. As much as I hate it though, I can’t help but see it through.

I start to selectively listen to the world and concoct a plan. I do not know where this plan leads. I do know that it has ‘truth’. My presence diminishes. What takes the place of presence is ‘my “ability” to read minds. “I KNOW WHAT HE MEANT”. Process goes out the window, and ‘result’ takes its place.

I hate looking at results. They are shallow representations of work.

This is easy to see in others.

I watched a man write a resignation letter last night.

It is hard to find something more emotionally laced than a resignation letter, especially the first draft. It is easy to identify yourself with your job. It is even easier to take it personal. From what I saw, the entire thing came from a place of expectation. He had this qualification, he worked this amount of years, and he EXPECTED a certain treatment. He couldn’t do the job any more. He looked like he was in

He looked at results. He knew what other people meant. He had a plan because he heard things. Everything that leads to shallow results. It was a sad representation of what expectation can do.

I want to get rid of that. One of the positives of sitting in an acting class is the ability to focus just on the moment, nagged out of expectation. As frustrating as it is, it serves as a wonderful reminder that expectation blocks you from achieving things that amazing. When a scene acted fully becomes undeniably interesting. Something as simple as packing a bag is mesmerizing. But that can only take place when the expectation is gone.

It isn’t easy to get there. But the alternative is to slave to the result, a slave to expectation. There is no freedom in that.