So, here is something I wouldn’t have understood at the beginning of my career, but is becoming more evident.
Learning to dance in between the tension of those two ideas is where great work begins.
Yesterday I talked about being “lifeless.”
It is imperative we don’t confuse that with being silent.
When we are silent, it is a proactive motion to resolve our issues.
When we are lifeless, it is reactive to protect ourselves.
Silence is good. It heals.
Most organizations I’ve seen have rules that reward silence. People discuss things like an open door policy, but in practice, it rarely happens. The idea of more communication ends up on the development plan, discussed in a few emails, and then as work comes in, things return to what they once were.
Why do people say things like that then? Is it because it sounds good? Are people lying when they talk about that?
In my experience, teams get the marching orders from the leader. Most of the time, this communication is non verbal. This is counter intuitive at first, until you realize most of the communication we get is nonverbal.
Far too often are we ready to accept the idea that we talk our way through things without some vulnerability some available to lie out on the table and turn it on ourselves.
Leaders have to understand that people follow action and the inertia that it creates. If you want a high level of communication, you lead by example. Poke, prod, emote, discuss, and use any other tool or method to get the people around you talking.
This looks foolish at first, it makes you vulnerable. It’s scary to push the people around you. It also requires some empathy. Press too hard, or the wrong way, and your employees might hate you.
The easiest way to start is to generate an environment where questions aren’t the exception, they are the norm. This starts with you asking questions and soliciting as much as possible.
As scary as it sounds, I am willing to bet that the people around you are itching to answer questions. It is a key way to build trust. Once people trust, communication automatically grows.
Note: Please prepare the people around you on your plan to do this. Nothing breaks trust like “gotcha” questions because they lead to embarrassment. Give out some homework and trust the process.
There is an art to purposeful and honest silence. For me, it remains as one of the most difficult acts to do, because it goes counter to everything we expect of silence. Most times in my life, when I was silent, it was a matter of turmoil. Either I was holding my tongue because I was afraid, I was angry, or I was looking for something. I had grand expectations on each silence.
For the times I was afraid, that silence meant that I could get away. Fearful silence is terrifying and draining. Generally, there is something over your head and someone of some authority is expecting an answer. When I am this silent, I often look at the clock and pray something intervenes. This one was the silence I faced most as a child, and as a result, is the first silence I retreat to when I see something that disturbs me.
For the times I was angry, that silence meant I ready for harmful action. Angry silence is terrifying and draining. Generally, there is something over your head and someone who you dislike is expecting an answer. When I am this silent, I often look at the clock and pray something intervenes. This one was the silence I faced most as a teenager, and as a result, I fear how awful and out-of-place this silence can leave me if I succumb.
For the times I was looking for something, that silence meant I was hoping to get over on someone. Conniving silence is terrifying and draining. Generally, there is something you want that the other person has, and you are expecting an answer. When I am this silent, I often look at the clock and pray that nothing intervenes. This is the silence I faced most as a college student, and as a result, I often feel guilty when it comes over me.
Those three silences are how I preconceived silence until I moved to meditation. I am noticing this silence is something completely different. Purposeful and honest silence can refill and sustain your energy. It becomes a well of inspiration for ideas. I never experienced this silence when I was younger because I never saw anyone engage in it. The closest example for me would be the christian prayer, which was too short and rarely seemed purposeful past those three different types I typed above.
It begins to make sense as I type this because we live in a world where we are constantly pinged. Our brains are over stimulated and over fed. We calm down, we breath, and we get present.
People lose themselves in the boredom of practice. It is very draining, dealing with repetition. Who wants engagement with the same stimulus, over and over again?
Practice isn’t a door to the public. Deliberate practice isn’t something that is worth viewing at all. It is hard, it is scary, and when it’s right, it’s ugly. It is marathon, and you test your endurance against the silence that exists when no one cares and no one wants to see.
There in lies the secret. The best work connects to silent endured. The difference between a professional and an amateur lies in the quiet parts, where our brains make noise, be seen, and disengage from the uncomfortable. And there is nothing more uncomfortable than silence.
The silence is daunting and engulfs all to become the star of the show. This is a massive strike against the ego, because we all want stardom. There is something in us that wants eyes on us, no matter what the consequences. We fight against that constantly. Even the best try to break out and reach comfortable land, where everyone else is. Al Pacino still goes to The Actors Studio, Tom Brady still goes to the field to throw, Chris Rock still heads to the comedy club. The greatest understand the surrender to silence, and how much work it takes to not pick up arms against it.
To be engaged, we stand outside the public, to see and understand what is happening in the world. That place is silent, but it allows us to see, and ultimately create something that connects. You cannot get to the connection without first getting through to the silence and surrendering. What practice helps us with ultimately, is the surrender to the silence and that silence is the first step to making something great.
So practice deliberately, when and where you can. Engaging in your practice, even if it is just 5 minutes a day, is getting you closer to great art.
We used to be left alone.
In our warehouses, our farms, and even our businesses, we were left alone to tinker, to work, to rest when we had to.
We may have had less “productivity” but our critical thinking skills and sense of control were there. You could pick yourself up by your own bootstraps, and make something happen.
These days, your attention is pulled in a million directions. Check that e-mail. Pull that IM. Answer that call. Go to Meeting. By the end of the day, your energy is low, you have a plate of to-do’s and it feels like nothing was done.
Because nothing was done.
One of the most important lessons one can learn is the power of guided silence.
That silence gives you a chance to sit with your work, look at an outline, and begin to make something worth while. It is guided by preparation and a goal.
At first it is odd to turn off all those notifications, but once you focus, a world of creativity opens up. From that creativity, you can start doing meaningful work.
You might even start leaving on time too.
Further Reading:
From the desk of Adam Thomas 