Tag: skills

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School Daze

school daze

It’s OK to ask

The primary education system in the United States sucks.

When you head to school:

  • The first thing you learn is your ABC’s.
  • The second thing is to shut up.
  • The third, don’t stand out.

This behavior reinforces itself throughout your time there. Once a child reaches a certain age, the students take over the reinforcement. It’s important to “fit in.” This behavior leaves everyone with a sense of cognitive dissonance, even the popular kids.

The entire class is looking; I’d better get this right.

They reinforce the “raise your hand” and “shut up and don’t stand out” method of control. The system teaches you not to ask questions, just the “right” ones. It intellectually slows us down.

It’s like driving in the slow lane and not realizing a simple lane shift makes you faster.

This programming follows us from college to the first “adult” job. This programming “kicks in” during a meeting, where no one has to tell you not to talk. Ditto the “open door policy” most places say they have.

This programming is dangerous. It stunts our intellectual growth and, even worse, makes us fear a powerful tool that helps us to leverage. That tool is asking questions.

Note: If you wonder about the title – may I introduce you to classic black cinema from a master director, Spike Lee? 

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“It’s Easier Said Than Done”

I hate empty phrases

An empty phrase is a phrase that someone uses to dress up emotion. There is no substance behind it, just a place where something like an excuse can kick back, relax, and spare someone’s ego the hassle of doing something that it doesn’t want to do. It’s a way to make an excuse sound plausible.

They usually come out charged and passionate. When you take a look at them, their emptiness appears, and you realize that you just heard a hot pile of nothing.

One of the empty phrases I hear most often is “It’s easier said than done.” I heard it because I often said it. 

I turn it on myself first

I used to say it a lot. It rolls off the tongue. It felt accepted because it’s the first rationalization I can think of.  It changes the conversation in a subtle way. What started off as a creative conversation begins to move into the world of “why not” instead of “why.”

I recognized the phrase as an out. Subconsciously, it felt safe. What I later came to realize is that the reason it felt safe is because I used it to shield myself from the mental and emotional labor that comes from something that might not work. If I sensed failure, I would turn try to turn it away with word tricks from my subconscious trying to shield itself from the fear.

That mental and emotional labor is usually the hardest part because you put your ego on the line. Victory is hard to quantify.

Words matter so don’t let them change you

It’s on my hated phrase/word list because what we say and how we say things matter. There is no communication path faster from thought to speech (sometimes we can’t even stop ourselves). The phrase “easier said than done” is a way to deflect from the work that needs doing. If you find yourself thinking that, or even saying it, take a minute when you can, and get to the real reason. It will make you more effective.

 

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So The Initial Rust Has Worn Off

It’s the start of a long journey for me.

The rust is wearing off, I think…

I haven’t been to work in a week or so. 

There aren’t any frills that come with this post, because I am still figuring these things out. They will take time, and eventually I will say much more about them.

  1. Programming is real.
  2. Time is precious.
  3. Relationships are critical.

I will expand on these things with posts, and if I don’t please remind me, because I think they are critical ideas.

As I said earlier though, the rust is wearing off, and it feels different. Not good, not bad, but different.

 

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Some Antifragility – Pen That Resignation Letter

“Some things benefit from shocks; they thrive and grow when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors and love adventure, risk, and uncertainty. Yet, in spite of the ubiquity of the phenomenon, there is no word for the exact opposite of fragile. Let us call it antifragile. Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better”

Nassim Taleb
I am currently reading Antifragile from Nassim Taleb. The book is a fantastic read (on the reread list). It features practical, modern stoic philosophy wrapped in actionable ideas all leading to a life of antifragility.

One story stuck with me.

At one point in his life he decided to work in academia.

When he got his job, he did something I find exhilarating (and at one point in my life, horrifying.)

His first move at work was penning his resignation letter.

After that, he signed it, and put in his desk.

This move instantly freed him up from the usual BS that accompanies a new job.  He had boundaries, and he made peace with the fact that this isn’t forever. He ready for the unexpected(stoic thought) , and by writing (actionable), he was free to tell the truth as he saw it (freedom / strength).

I was never taught this way of thinking.

In fact, I learned the opposite way from my environment. Instead of starting with the end in mind, just be glad you “got a job.” (reactive) When you are there, do what they say and hopefully they won’t fire you (Weasel behavior/ complacency) . If they get outrageous, try to sneak out the back door (dishonesty) and look for a job. Once that next job offers that position,write a resignation letter then, once you are “safe”(golden handcuffs/weakness).

All positive, meaningful action (meaning not by chance/ randomness)  in my life has come from proactive movement. By penning that resignation letter and keeping it in a place he can see it, it’s a constant reminder of keeping the worst end in mind, and in effect, being antifragile.

Something to think about.

Note: A stuffy corporate job will not like that way of thinking, at all. When someone has the golden handcuffs on you, the last thing they want you to do is be a key maker.

 

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Listening

Listening is an active activity.

When I listen, I am not apathetic. I emote when I respond. I let the ideas sink in. It is easier to rack my brain to see what the next step is. The conversation becomes easier to understand. I can decide on where I need to go mentally to help the person I am listening to. It is exhausting, because my attention is fully on the person.

No conversation is the same when I listen.

Even though it is exhausting, listening becomes easier.  Like most things, it is a skill that gets better with practice.

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