Tag: stumble

[bctt tweet=”‘If it isn’t hard, its soft’ – @IceCube w/ the @jAltucher assist. “]

This hurts. I spent a massive amount of time away from this blog. At first planned, but then it slid away from me. I told myself that it would be easy to return, and I told myself that I planned the break, but I used it as an excuse to let my work lapse. I thought I got past the point of excuses, yet I found myself making them as each day passed.

Even a bit of self-realization hurts.

The truth is, when I stopped writing and everything else fell to the wayside. My reading habit, gratitude habit, and my meditation habit crumbled. From there, my other ones fell apart too. I went from walking on the side of the road into the forest. I stumbled and fell.

This hurts.

I have to push back my theme to October. I cannot give risk it’s proper due in only 13 days.  My themes cover more than just blog posts, and all my other habits feed into the changes I want to make.

Even starting again feels rough. A first draft was easy, and now I find myself in a rut, even looking at this blank page.

With all that said, even a stumble and fall can create a lesson. And for me, I grabbed two for the price of one. First, the only way back is to peddle to ramp up and also, perfectionism will come back at anytime if you give it room.

 

[bctt tweet=”Even a tiny bit of self realization hurts.”]

Taking a long break is a stark reminder of how falling feels. Two days ago, I decided to just start. But, I know I have to get the first few out. The march to normalcy takes time and every journey starts with a single step.  With that said, after a certain time of doing the “stretch” you have to get yourself back to normal by any means necessary. This post took over 1200 words to create. If I don’t force myself into the box to fight, I will never get the calluses necessary to get back to growth.

This hurts because my last two posts sucked.

Before I write,I mentally create a list:

• I hope this isn’t going to bore to many people, because I don’t want to bore.
• I hope this doesn’t scare people, because I don’t want to scare.
• I hope this isn’t a horrible experience, because I don’t like horrible experiences.
• I hope I don’t seem stagnant, because I don’t want stuckness.

When I don’t write everyday, I forget that this list will STOP me in my tracks. There is nothing that I write that will pass this test at the first glance.

I once read that hope is a sin of man, and I find this true. Hope is the first step down the road of perfectionism, and once you start it is hard to stop.

We all want greatness out the gate. The “natural genius”  label. This stops me in a lot of endeavors in life, and during the break and as I start this blog back up I recognize this as nothing more than fear of both failure and success. My personal failures over the last two weeks all cycle back to this.

The truth is that to grow, I have all these things. There is no escape from disappointment. This is one of the tenants that this blog. Life As Usual is a blog that will take a look at some of life’s nuance, and discussing the work of the thing  and writing out what i can. It is interesting, it took me writing the stuff above to get to this point. I stumbled my way out of the darkness into the light.

That is what life is about, stumbling through what is in front of us.  I don’t get to exciting without the boring work to build the foundation, I don’t get to brave without dancing with the fear, I don’t get to great without dealing in the horrible and I can’t move forward without recognizing the stuck.

What pushes me out of this is one question.

[bctt tweet=”If I don’t force myself into the box to fight, I will never get the calluses necessary to get back to growth.”]

Am I brave enough to travel out of the darkness?

I only move forward by dancing with the fear. I have failed to sum up my blog for the last year and a half, and I recognize that this is it. This blog is my attempt to swim through the waters of life and make progress. It is a place to stumble, recognize why and at the same time, make my ankle stronger so I can move forward.

Life as Usual is my attempt to take myself out of the world of perfectionism, and make myself better. Truth be told, I wouldn’t find that without the stumble that I just took. So as much as I spent the last few hundred words being down, I couldn’t get here without the trip.

And that is it.

 

[bctt tweet=”Am I brave enough to travel out of the darkness? I only move forward by dancing with the fear. “]