The nonsensical jargon that people love to dish out, the “hi’s” of the world that mean and stand for nothing.
Get past the “good morning” and “how are you” and start talking about something substantial, like “what is exciting you” or “what was your last interesting interaction.” There is a lot of meat on the bones of our social circles. We’d instead go to an online class or social media, and we miss out on the wisdom that is lying all around us.
I promise you that there is more to get from those around you than a YouTube binge, and probably, more interesting.
Fight the will to win or to lose, just for a moment:
Try to seek compromise.
Allow someone to save face.
Merge ideas when possible
In the short term, especially without control, this method will drive you crazy.
You’ll notice meetings getting longer than before. Maybe someone over talks from time to time. In fact, you may even miss a deadline or two.
Give it time, though, and something interesting starts to happen. People start to feel engaged. The work gets far more creative. In most cases, more risk means more reward (especially in this risk adverse world we live in).
Ask yourself, is the short-term silence of victory worth the long-term growth of the team?
However, professionals find ways to minimize the surprise on their end. The easiest way to do that is to communicate early and often.
When I take on projects, I use this, the “client discussion framework,” to keep clients, customers and bosses engaged and aware.
How to use this
Go through it step by step. Each step requires some communication. Don’t move on to the next step until you’ve answered each question you see. Use that as your tripwire.
Framework
You keep your client in the loop with these six steps of the process.
Requirements
For a project to succeed, we must ask:
Who is this for?
What does success look like?
At what point do we stop/quit?
Are there any ways for these requirements to change?
Discussion
So now that we know what the requirements are, what can we do to make things “pop”:
How are we going to execute the plan now that we have now:
Is there a particular framework we use to get this done?
What is the team?
Who helps us get this done?
What is our check-in schedule? What do we need there?
Development
This is the work, where we test things and see:
What is our minimum viable product?
Do we have a test group of customers/stakeholders that we can show this to?
Confirmation
Let’s see if this is what we want:
Do we have the green light from stakeholders to put out the finished product
What changes would you like to see?
How much time do we have?What isn’t possible?
Production
Now that it’s finalized, time to ship:
When can we do a post-mortem?
This isn’t a perfect model; sometimes these questions spring more questions. That’s a good thing, the more you know, the fewer people have to find out.
And the last thing you want is people finding out.
You won’t give Bob a fair shake until you name “it.” We aren’t robots, and emotionally you won’t let whatever that slight was “go,” especially if you carry it.
You have two options – stop working with Bob, or find out what that feeling is and resolve it.
The good news is, addressing the issue is much easier once you find it.
How do you show it? Write it out. Get that feeling out.
Supreme Court Justice Brandeis once said, “Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants.”
After the feeling is out, think about yourself. What causes you to have those feelings?
Resolve them.
What about Bob?
Bob has nothing to do with it. Your feelings are up to you.
If you intend to lead, you have to master yourself.
An empty phrase is a phrase that someone uses to dress up emotion. There is no substance behind it, just a place where something like an excuse can kick back, relax, and spare someone’s ego the hassle of doing something that it doesn’t want to do. It’s a way to make an excuse sound plausible.
They usually come out charged and passionate. When you take a look at them, their emptiness appears, and you realize that you just heard a hot pile of nothing.
One of the empty phrases I hear most often is “It’s easier said than done.” I heard it because I often said it.
I turn it on myself first
I used to say it a lot. It rolls off the tongue. It felt accepted because it’s the first rationalization I can think of. It changes the conversation in a subtle way. What started off as a creative conversation begins to move into the world of “why not” instead of “why.”
I recognized the phrase as an out. Subconsciously, it felt safe. What I later came to realize is that the reason it felt safe is because I used it to shield myself from the mental and emotional labor that comes from something that might not work. If I sensed failure, I would turn try to turn it away with word tricks from my subconscious trying to shield itself from the fear.
That mental and emotional labor is usually the hardest part because you put your ego on the line. Victory is hard to quantify.
Words matter so don’t let them change you
It’s on my hated phrase/word list because what we say and how we say things matter. There is no communication path faster from thought to speech (sometimes we can’t even stop ourselves). The phrase “easier said than done” is a way to deflect from the work that needs doing. If you find yourself thinking that, or even saying it, take a minute when you can, and get to the real reason. It will make you more effective.
Do – Go do. There is a wide chasm between people who just say they want to do it, those who go through the intellectual rigor, and those who actually execute. Anyone who does that has no choice but to become effective because operating comes with lessons, especially in failure. So, whatever you want to do, please, go and do.
Consume – What we digest is what we ultimately use to create our opinions. All ideas have a starting point. Nothing materializes out of thin air. What we consume physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually creates our ideas. Staying vigilant on what we digest is just as important as keeping an eye on what we do or who we talk to, because if our start is bad, then we doom the idea from the start (GIGO). The other thing to remember is that this is a limited resource. The outer limits are real, so guard what you know, and defend against taking on too much to soon,
Talk – The difference between understanding and ‘thinking you understand’ is huge. That gap remains large if you don’t talk about what you know to other people. Through talking, you get a chance to build understanding and catch up on ideas you thought you knew. Just watch out for your ego (it is going to want to stay safe).
I think these three things are the bedrock of learning and mastering any skill. This principle is open enough to try all disciplines. By doing, talking, and consuming things I get completely engaged. The skill becomes my world, meaning I can’t escape it since it consumes everything.
It also stands as a great measure of where my priorities are. If I look at my calendar and I don’t see those three principles during the week, then I know I get scattered. It is a steady heuristic for my focus, and if I look randomly, I can see just where it lies. Understanding my focus makes me more effective.
When I was a kid, I was very shy. I spent most of my life being scared to express my ideas unless I thought it was absolutely necessary.I only talked if I had to and knew the answer. Silence was the easy way out, because it allowed me to hide. That shyness came from fear, and an assumption that everyone I met knew as much or more than I did. I thought I wouldn’t add anything to the conversation. My insecurity kept me from investing everything I had.
I didn’t realize it when, but I did myself a severe disservice. I didn’t understand that talking through ideas is one of the best ways of understanding if I knew them. I had to talk to see if I had it, and I had to trust the people around me would help if I didn’t get it right.
The talk principle
You have to have trust to start real dialogue.
If you know something, you know how to say it, and to borrow from Richard Feynman, say it in your own words. What better way to do that then through talking to people?
This is pretty tough because in most situations we are in, it is easy to shrink and hide. If we soak it up, sit in the back, and avoid the discussion, we get to walk out unscathed and fight another day. This is a double-edged sword, because since it is so effective, it gets easier to hide in future meetings. You create a cycle of comfort, hiding until you are absolutely certain you can’t lose. By waiting until we get it right, we miss opportunities to get to the point of understanding.
It is difficult, too because to feel comfortable, you have to trust people enough that they won’t leave you hanging out there.
Talking out ideas makes us stronger
The difference between understanding and ‘thinking you understand’ is huge. That gap remains large if you don’t talk about what you know to other people. Through talking, you get a chance to build understanding and catch up on ideas you thought you knew.
From the desk of Adam Thomas 