tell – From the desk of Adam Thomas

You can’t just say “no” to everyone.

It’s hard to say no to certain people. They usually come with titles such as “manager,” “CEO,” or “mom.”

As Bob Dylan sang, “We all have to serve somebody.” And the dynamics at play won’t allow an outright “no.”

That being said, these people want the best for you because it is in their best interest. Your success helps them look good and meet their goals. To work at your best, you have to say “no” to some things.

But, you are in the odd place of not being able to say “no” directly.

How can you navigate that?

I have an exercise that can help with this conundrum.

Exercise:

The plan is to ask to rank their needs and with that, get the prioritization to get the “no” you are looking for in any environment where you have to deal with an authoritative structure (i.e. the office)

When the “ask” happens, return the favor by asking a few questions:
- What is the priority, on a 1 -10 basis?
- When do you need this by?
- What resources are available for this?
Say what you need to get her (the boss) away, and have an email ready that asks those questions again, along with a list of your current projects.
Ask where you want her to slot that new ask, and if any of this is can come off your “plate.”

 This exercise “stops them as they ask,” giving people the opportunity to redirect energy and remind them of what is important (something we all could use) at the same time. It saves your energy so you can focus on what matters.

Win-win.

It’s on your mind.

There is a topic to discuss. Often, I see (and do) one of two things.

Hold my tongue. We decide to spare the person what we need to tell them, and we get frustrated.

Blurt it out. The point wraps around emotion, and it obstructs how the other person could understand.

Both actions leave both parties confused, and when combined, i.e. someone blurting something out then holding their tongue because they didn’t like the result, it can lead to disaster.

How do we get out of this devastating loop?

Here is an exercise.

Exercise:

Write down what you need to tell someone.

Close your eyes, imagine you are in the shoes of the other person. What is important to them?

Look back at your “tell:” how does it address something that is important to them?

Simplify. How can you make that tell as simple as possible, while addressing what’s important to them?

Rewrite what you plan on telling them with this information.