Tag: therapy

I Suffer From Depression and I Refuse To Stigmatize It.

Post author By jrlsage
Post date August 30, 2017

Depression is real.

This month, I talked a lot about the self-talk in our heads.

I want to take a break from that and encourage anyone who is feeling that anxiety and crushing self-doubt to seek help from a certified counselor or therapist.

Therapy has helped me navigate those feelings. I can mitigate my risk because someone can give me a hand through.

So, before this month closes, I want you to consider seeing a mental health professional. If you have health insurance, there is a good chance your insurance covers it.

See someone and be better for it.

Tags discussion, mental health, therapy

Blog Post

Saturday Rambling

I got a show in Brooklyn tonight. It’s rare that I go there to perform, but it is something I want to go and do more often. I need to spread my wings and go into other places in the city, and build the connections. Granted, a lot of people I know will be on the show, still, it is a chance to work on some material and get it polished for the the march ahead.

Got 8 minutes tonight. It is something I need right now. I want to start working in the 8 to 10 space a lot more often. I need to get better at knocking these shows out and making the best of them. 8 to 10 has to start feeling like home.

I am curious to see what the crowd is going to be like in there? Dillon has a huge twitter following, at least to my standards, so I assume a few twitter people will be there. Also, some of the neighborhood, and also, a lot of the people that are around the other comics. In short, it should be a small but cool crowd. Ill record the set because I need to hear myself – I am going to be tightening up a lot of jokes tonight for their latest iterations. Lets see if the abridged versions can get the same laughs.

With that said, I would like to get to Eric I’s spot tonight at Karma. I want to get on, but also just seems like a cool spot to hang out and watch some comedy. There are going to be people there i know, and I would like to see some people get up and be funny.

New Jokes in the rotation and I am nervous about them. They have been incubating for a few months, and I like some of them. I haven’t , however, put them to the test of a crowd. With my auditions coming up, I would like to really my set down as much as possible, cutting down my usable jokes down to about 5 – 7 minutes of more pure funny.

Maybe in July I can start to work them in, and get them into show shape. Some of them are deeper concepts, and they are a little more complex. With that said, I really like them. I want them to do well.

A few auditions this month, and I can’t wait to get them over with. As I said before, I moseyed my way into getting up at 3 clubs around the city. I feel like I need my jokes to be the tightest to get into the club level. Even if these clubs aren’t the top in the city, being in a few clubs solidifies me as a comic around NYC.

And then the next challenge will begin.

Donors choose card is sitting on my table. I really want to get more active into the non-profit sector. Working with those in need will enrich my life a bit, give me a little more perspective, and help me be a better artist by learning how to connect more with people. I don’t ever want to be that guy locked away in his walled fortress, being deluded so much I think that the world is filled with people having parties filled with champagne and shrimp cocktails.

That is why I am going to work with Anthony starting this week. I don’t know what i can contribute to his Newark tech entrepreneur initiative, but I do hope that I can help.

I would like to build with smart people, because like helping with the less fortunate, it gives me the opportunity to grow as a person, build connections, and broaden my worldview.

People are working around me, and I just want to be working like them. I want to keep up. I want to be destined to greatness. I have done something to align myself with some stars, so I should do my best and make sure that I can go up there with them.

I was talking to Phil last night. Like most of us, he was saying he was lacking goals in life. I constantly feel the same way, so I try to create. I recommended to him that he do the same thing.

I told him I don’t want to be a king. Too much stress. I rather be a king maker or a jester. Sounds crazy, but both have the ability to talk to the king, to guide him, and to speak truth to him when the others in his court can’t.

My life is going both those ways now, with my comedy and my other persuits, like investing and soon, hopefully being a board member on a few non profits. I don’t know if these paths diverge or combine at some point, but I do know I want the ability to do this for a long time.

Been thinking about giving my therapist access to this blog. I am scared to, because really, this is me just unloading my thoughts, but then again, I am letting whoever read this anyway. I think my fear comes from him analyzing what I wrote.

I assume most people who read anything I write here will take it to be superficial. I mostly rant about myself, and honestly, this is an attempt to learn how to write about me, analyze me later, and improve my life. I don’t know where this stuff will turn to.

With that said, my therapist could be looking through this for clues on me. He knows a lot about me already, and this would give him a little more insight. I don’t know why I am imagining this to be such a bad thing, because now he could help steer the conversation and keep me on track when I become fearful and start to hide truths.

I am a compartmentalized dude. Hiding things from others is what i do best. Letting him see this would probably break some walls.

Maybe I should start breaking some walls.

Do: CPAP, Push Ups,Water
Didnt: Meditation, 16/8, Vegetable Juice, Thank You, To Dos, Wrap Up, 3 Things

Tags comedy, nonprofit, rambling, therapy

Blog Post

Trying to be Smooth

I was late again this morning. I got out of bed at 8 15, which is something that I wanted to avoid. It is a full hour over when I should be getting up, which resulted in a late start at work, something that I still need to figure out how to get out of.

I feel like I am slipping when this happens. I was able Tuesday to get out the gate here at work, and start working as soon as I got it. It was a good feeling, even if I had nothing to really do. I see the difference with how I work when I have a clean palate in the morning, and I tend to be distracted when I don’t.

No rest for the weary. I have to keep up with this, and do it everyday. If I can make it for a month, Ill be able to latch onto it. I am quite happy with a clear slate for a month. If I can do that, who knows what I will be able to think up and get accomplished. Just have to execute.

With that said, I was a little tired when I woke up. My sleep times have been creeping towards 1, with no practical reason to be up that late. I would like to train myself to sleep at 1 and wake up at 7 due to me maybe being on late night, but for now, there is no reason to be up that late. I may not even get it. So, I will be monitoring my sleep times, and pushing them back to a healthier 12 and maybe 11 some nights to make sure I am well rested for the upcoming day.

I am currently redrawing my lines for the workplace. I find that while I am good with a clean room, and I see it spreading to a clean house, my office space is still a mess. I want to be able to come to work in a clean area, and I am not doing it.

Clean area, clean mind. It is where I want to be in all aspects of my life, so I have to start getting it in all areas of my life.

Why be good in one area and not good in another. I have to establish some office habits to improve my work habits. The rest of this week will be devoted to researching what I actually do. I want this to be smooth sailing just like my mornings and evenings are becoming.

I will be breaking this down into morning office and night office routines. I will be bringing my coffee and pills over and try to make it a habit of getting things together here in the office. Making a smooth transition from beginning and ending an office day.

I want to make this work…

Therapy last night was very good. I got to discuss some of the things that have been bothering me at work. Not being able to work from home has been a bit of a hamper on my work schedule. I would also like to know when or if I am getting the raise I was due.

I have to make waves in getting some of this stuff done. I realized some of this is my fault, but I need to get that part under control. From there I can get a smoother office experience.

The other half, and maybe the whole session really, was based in my fear of speaking to people. I can do it fine when I am drunk, or oddly enough, I can do it great when I am in person next to people. What I am not good at is calling and re-connection. It is keeping the stove warm in relationships that eludes me. I have this internal fear that people don’t want to speak to me, and I rationalize it when I don’t call.

Adding automation to this I think, is imperative for me to be better at it. If I am forced in the conversations, I will be better at talking, even if it is something simple as a text. I have to talk to people. I have to make connections.

If I can sync this up, ill be stronger in everything else I try to accomplish. Discipline.

Its hot today, and I guess summer is here. I also guess that my electricity bill will be quite high in the coming months. I want to compensate as much as possible with the roommate situation. A little more money will help me a bit in getting this other stuff under control.

I probably will be running my air conditioner all summer long with no breaks in between. I know that it will be a tad more expensive, but peace of mind is worth the price. I remember the summer I moved to the city, and it was quite hot. I just had a box fan, and for the most part, my apartment was miserable. I hated being home, and I hated my apartment until late September.

I have a lot more people living in my apartment now, so I better keep it cool.

Comedy at Bar None today, and I want to work and get back into the rotation there. I need to get the habit of being in places every Thursday, and Zito’s show and the Pear once a month isn’t cutting it. I need to add maybe two more shows every Thursday.

I want to build another skill, and I think I am adding Vine to my list of things. Even if I stink, I would like to have a body of work for people to look at. I might as well get on the ground floor because I have an iPhone.

If no one cares now I can scrap it in the future. What is the worst that can happen.

Tags comedy, Habit, late, lateness, Routine, therapy