Tag: thought

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“And” Not “But”

“And” vs. “But”

While reading The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life I came across a passage that focused on the power transforming “but” to “and.”

The short of it is, “but” gives us room to make excuses and freedom to bitch, moan. and complain. “But” seeks blame and comfort. Have you ever tried to change the subject on someone saying “but?” They won’t leave the point.

“And,” however, reminds us of our presence. Whatever hand we were dealt, we are here. “And” seeks responsibility. Using “and” pulls someone out of their emotional zone.

When you feel uncomfortable, notice when you are about to say “but” and switch it out for “and.”

Watch the difference.

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Focus

One goal means focus.

Focus.

Focus can hurt.

The focus is the point.

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Avoid the First Thought

Take a second

We are human beings, not robots. It is good to remind ourselves of that fact every once in a while.

As humans, we make decisions. Sometimes, they come from our lizard brain, as Seth likes to say. The lizard brain has a purpose, and it is to keep us alive.

Keeping us alive means bad decision-making. It creates cognitive bias.

One bias that affects us is the availability bias, which is when we rely on the first impression.

You know the saying, don’t judge a book by its cover? Well, we often do, and we pay the price. The first impression is often wrong. Every time we “just knew” something about someone, there is 100 times where we were just off.

This is worth remembering when we are “sure” of an idea or person.

 

All perception is a gamble. 

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Take Fifteen

Make it count

A nightly routine is excellent.

Doing the same things every night has several benefits:

  • Picking the proactive activities (say writing a thank you note to someone) compounds and the effects are massive.
  • Things most of us hate, like cleaning up (I know I do) can take much less time before bed.
  • It is a signal to your brain to start to shut down.

This post is going to focus on a proactive activity, reflection.

Reflection is a great tool to understand the past, present, and possible future. The best part, it only takes 15 minutes.

How you reflect comes in different flavors:

  • Meditation
  • Writing
  • Gratitude list
  • A thank you note

The job of this post isn’t to walk you through. There are several tools on the internet to help on that end.

The purpose is to act as a reminder.

 

What did you do today?

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Emotions are Thoughts

They connect to us.

However, they can go away.

Emotions don’t just drift away though. Often, we make the mistake of thinking we can ignore them out of existence.

We can’t.

Thoughts, like actions, can’t resolve themselves.

Just because we don’t feel them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

They need acknowledgement and a decision.

Decide.

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Ideal vs Critical – Fight!

Priorities help between these two internal siblings, ideal self and critical self

We need to recharge because we are fighting a constant battle between our ideal selves and our critical selves.

Our ideal selves are superficial and binary.  Thus, they don’t consider the consequences. It enjoys the thought of adulation from running the marathon without regard to the months of training it takes to get there or the pain of running one.

Our critical selves sit back and poke holes quietly in all the plans of the ideal self, waiting for us to just cancel things anyway.

Priorities can pacify both by giving us focus, letting the “critical self” take a back seat while getting close to the ideal self. It gives us a break.

Don’t feel guilty.

So, watch that episode and make it a priority to tackle just one thing.

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The Finish Line

Shall I cross?

The obvious question is the first one (seen above). Once we get closer to the finish line, another question awaits us.

Is it worth it?

In a calm place, like where you are most likely reading this, the answer is simple, “yes.”

However, when we are in the thick of things, closing out a project, we do all sorts of mental calculus to figure out if crossing the finish line is worth our time.

Some of the questions we ask ourselves include:

  • How will I look?
  • What is everyone going to think?
  • Who am I to do this?

Often, the hardest part of a problem is starting to solve it. After that, it is finishing. The curses of “being perfect” and “is it the best” can stop us in our tracks.

Our minds crave comfort and normalcy. The minute we decide to provide something new to the world, we fly in the face of that.

It comes with an emotional, mental cost. We have chosen to choose growth over stagnation. Nothing is free.

The truth is, those questions above, and many others, don’t matter. Learning how to conquer those does.

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Make Your Bed – It Helps

Make Your Bed - It Helps

A two-minute decision that powers your morning

I never made my bed.

I didn’t because I thought it a waste of time.

“No one is coming back to this but me, and I am just going to ruin it anyway.”

The underlined passage above affected my day. As a result, I engaged in self-defeated talk. The self-defeated talk took away my agency every morning. Starting off the day with an excuse is a powerful way to stay ineffective.

I noticed something shift after deciding to make my bed after hearing this:

I always wondered why the Army movies emphasized making your bed. It didn’t come together for me, however, until I watched this video.

After a few days of taking on the simple task of making my bed, I saw the points that Admiral McRaven make come true.

The most powerful thing has been the last point about the power of just seeing a nice bed after a rough day. 

Coming home to a made bed gives you a reason to think about a better day. A messy bed, rather, reminds you of inefficiencies.

Little things can make you feel powerful. Take advantage.

 

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Brain Filter

“Interesting” things are the only things that exist.

Our brain is a wonderful storyteller. It relies on narrative to communicate.

Don’t believe me? Here is a quick test: What did you have for breakfast last Sunday?

If that breakfast is in the middle of a story about something interesting, then you might recall what happened. If not, it is gone because it wasn’t interesting.

Two more things:

  • We are usually the star of the show (self-preservation is the prime directive).
  • Our brains don’t care for uninteresting things since it couldn’t comprehend them anyway. Our brain gets trillions of pieces of data per second and translates them on the fly to the “main things” we notice.

Something to think about the next time you say something that matters.

Note: A great book on this subject.

 

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The Ground Rules are Important

Discuss before discussing

The beginning of a discussion is important because it sets the table for the intellectual food that you are about to share with one another.

It often gets dismissed, but setting the ground rules for discussion and laying out what you want to say can sharpen your thinking and give some relief to the person with whom you are talking. They get to feel comfortable know the boundaries and usually, this results in a constructive conversation.

The reason why it gets dismissed is because we assume it’s silly because everyone “knows” what we “know.”

But we don’t. Isn’t that one of the reasons we’re talking?

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